CATCHING UP!!!!!

Well, here I am again... I have not updated this blog since 2011.   I don't know where the time has gone.

It's been five months since Mom passed away.... I cannot believe how things have changed.   As I look back at old blog posts, I realize just HOW MUCH my life has CHANGED.  My mom was my best friend (other than Dennis, of course!) and I feel lost without her... we did EVERYTHING together.   The past year has been rough, getting the diagnosis a year ago, going through several cycles of chemo, watching my mom get weak and sick, then finally, getting to the point that we knew things were not going to get any better, knowing she would leave us soon.

Sunday morning, Oct. 20, 2013, Mom went home to be with the Lord... her body finally died that day, although I felt like I had lost her awhile before that.    My heart is still heavy five months later, but I am getting there... it just takes time.   I know that you never really get over losing someone - you always miss them, and it's something you don't "get over" - you just learn to live with it, you get used to them not being around anymore.  The pain subsides with time and things don't always feel so bad... it DOES get better.   I have had a couple people tell me "it never gets any better" or "it never gets any easier" - I disagree with that.   My father has been gone for 20 years - and even though I still miss him, I know that it gets better, because when he died, it devastated me, and over time, that got better.  I now am to the point where I can think of him and laugh and smile..... I know that I will get that way with Mom.. it just takes time.   My parents raised me to be strong, and I will not let them down.  I know they are together again, reunited, in a beautiful, much better place, in the presence of God.... I know that one day, I will join them and be reunited with them... I look forward to that glorious day, when I am reunited with them and others I love who have already gone, and we are God's presence forever.  Who would NOT look forward to that?

I thank God every day for my husband, my other family, and friends... NO ONE can take the place of your parents, and it's hard to become an orphan, at any age.. but I am so very blessed.. I have so many wonderful people in my life who care about me and love me, and I am not alone.  It has been a rough journey this past year, and picking up the pieces and going on proves to be a challenge some days... but I know I am up to that task.  When people ask me, "how are you?" it's difficult to answer sometimes... I often say, "it depends on when you are asking."   But I can say that I AM okay... I'm not GREAT yet... that will take time... But some days I am GOOD.. and I'm always OKAY.  And I will take that for now.   It's a start.   But there are days that instead of crying now, I catch myself humming - and find that I have a smile on my face.   This life is a beautiful, precious gift from God... and I know that Mom would be the FIRST to say "get on with your life and get back to living."    So I try to go ahead and let myself have a good cry when I need one, then I get back to the process of getting on with life.  

God is with me... He walks beside me through this journey.. and on those days when I feel that I just cannot walk, He carries me.   He will not leave me.. He will not abandon me.  He put certain people in my life because He knew I would need them.  And He has blessed me greatly.

Yes... I am going to be GREAT one day soon!   I'm inching my way toward that every day.  And I AM OKAY!

Will try to make a conscious effort to update this more regularly now!   Something I need to get back to doing!

Happy Spring!